Pour out Your love,

Well, well, look where we've come to. It's now, November! Can you believe it? Time passes so frigging fast, and one year has passed. Today marks the day my previous relationship started, and today, I'm 3 days away from my 5th month in my current relationship.

In this 12 months, I've learned a lot. Things can change within just months, people come and go. I might just grew a little bit stronger, mentally and physically. But currently, I'm so tired. So tired of having to deal with SPM which is just 12 days away. I am still slacking. What is wrong with me? Dear Lord, help me, please. I need Your favor in me..

You are God,
You are so Glorious,
You are so Powerful,
You are Victorious,
You are The One, Jesus.

Everything was once better,

Thank God for Blogger app on iPhone now! :) this is going to be so much easier to blog, just maybe when I feel like it! Or, if something catches my eye along the way. I might be coming back to blogging for that. Just might.

What if..

your love doesn't lasts?

I've forgotten the beauty of blogging. And now I wonder why I'm back here? Well, the truth is sometimes I do enjoy sitting alone, infront of the computer and just typing my thoughts out. Share my thoughts, but twitter has it's word limits which just restrain me from bombarding my twitter and spamming my followers, so my blog shall do it, since not many, wait correction, no one ever reads it. Joy.

Last week, I was approached by a question on twitter. I personally tweeted "Never ever missed someone so much before." And I received a reply, saying "that's what you say in your past relationship. It's best to never say rubbish like this."

Trust me, when I read that, I was furious and offended, of course. He, definitely wasn't my ex. And, whoever it was, no I'm not mad at him or anything, but what? It felt like I was personally attacked by him.

First of all. Do you even know who my tweet was referring to? Secondly, I'm pretty sure I definitely did not say that about my ex before. Thirdly, who are you to tell me what to tweet?

I know. This is ridiculous. I honestly don't get it. Am I at wrong? I know I used to blog about how much I love my ex in my previous blog posts, and now that I've found someone new, it proves that i'm not loyal. But just to clarify myself, a part of me will always love him. As every way. Although I can never forget him, all the things which I'm only holding to are memories. He left me. What was I supposed to? Am I supposed to wait on him forever? What's the point when he left me? He left me for someone new. And was I supposed to just keep waiting like a fool? I can't deny the fact that I will always love him, but hey, I got to pick myself up. Thank God when I was going through my darkest moments, I had someone with me. You have no idea how much pain he has put me through. And i blame him no more. I've let him go, and got over him. But, i honestly think I have the freedom and rights to pursuit my own happiness. Yes i may love someone else now, but I'll never forget my ex, and a part of me will always love him.

If i was at wrong, then wasn't he at wrong too? He said he loved me, but then he left me. What?

And I remember.

I wish I can take it back to a week ago. Don't I deserve any second chance? Why did you have to take it away from me this fast? Please. God, i'm begging you. I just want it back, so much. Why? I really really want to tell you everything I feel. I just want to tell you, how much I can't live without you. How much I want you back. How much I still love you. How much.. i'd do anything just to get you back. I may sound desperate. But that's the truth. I tried getting used to it. I tried accepting the fact. But I just can't.

I hope for God to make a change. and to make us, right again, someday.

I want you so badly. I'll just leave in denial. That maybe, someday we'll be back together. Yes, that's what i'll pray and hope for every single day. I can't let you go.. I love you too much to. I just hope you'd know how i feel. And how perfect together we'd be. There are some things that will never change. Right now, our picture is still my wallpaper, and my passcode is still 0211. Yes. that's how much I still can't let you go.

And I remember.

I wish I can take it back to a week ago. Don't I deserve any second chance? Why did you have to take it away from me this fast? Please. God, i'm begging you. I just want it back, so much. Why? I really really want to tell you everything I feel. I just want to tell you, how much I can't live without you. How much I want you back. How much I still love you. How much.. i'd do anything just to get you back. I may sound desperate. But that's the truth. I tried getting used to it. I tried accepting the fact. But I just can't.

I hope for God to make a change. and to make us, right again, someday.

I've got control now.

Just when I thought we wouldn't end like that, I thought wrong. AHAHHA it was like the same thing happening all over again.. Like how my previous one used to be. I mean, why? Why does it seem so easy for you to let go? It hurts me so much, that everytime I close my eyes, I'll cry in my sleep. And I just feel so afraid. It hurts me so bad. But everyday I just try to live.. I try a little hard.. but i just die a little more inside.

Thanks. I don't know what to say to you anymore.

Perfect to me.

This is my first post.. of year 2011. After one month. LOL I fail.

Anyway, Form 5 has been great! Despite all the stress and tuitions I've to keep up with, I'm quite fine. Tuition from Mon-Thurs. Cheer training on Fri. Youth&Church on weekends. I'm busy/out almost everyday. Bah. I need to manage my time well so I can find time to study T_T I'm always tired and exhausted. Oh well.

December '10 was a great month! Getting to spend time with the boyfriend for 6 days in a row! Church camp and Prom. How awesome could that be! And I still have yet to blog about it. Youth camp was practically the best, cause that was a very life changing 4 days. Thanks to New Life for every single thing. All the campers, pastors and Jinny :')

I'm bored. Bai.