You are my hope,

my everything.

I used to believe that whenever you're nice to someone, immediately you'll be treated nice as well. Well, honestly that's what I still believe. But i don't know why i always get disappointed. I treat people really nice, when I really call them my friend. I do not betray them, nor hurt them in any way. But sometimes, even the people whom I trust so much, disappoints me in the end. All I ever ask for are friends who I can really count on. Maybe not many, but all I need is just one. That one friend who is able to take me the way I am, and accept the real me. I go to the house of God, only to feel out of place. I go to school, only to feel left out. Even going to the house of God, can't make me feel any better, but I always tell myself, whenever I enter the presence of the Lord, I'll rejoice the truth, and let nothing condemn me. Usually, I will feel better after being in the presence of Him. But, after a few days, I'll start thinking too much, and realize that I've no friends to rely on. Sure, Jesus is my best friend. But even going cell group at times, can't make me feel worthy enough.

I always have insecurity problems when it comes to relationship/friendship. It hurts, you know? Knowing you have NO ONE, to count on. As time passes by, I only tend to lose friends, rather than to gain some true friends. 2 friends of mine, have just walked out of my life, and I miss them. I do.

I'm so tired of being left out, feeling out of place, and mostly, being judged for the wrong reasons. I'm sorry, for things I may or may not have done.

God, please please lead me. As I continue to search.. for the true friends that You shall bless me with. Show me who is right for me, and through You, I shall see.

6 more days,

till I'm 17.

Ah, my birthday will be in between my SPM exams, but thank God my birthday falls on a Saturday, hence no paper. But, my wish, for every year is to spend it with my loved ones. Family/Friends/Baby.

Wish, will you come true?

It's the one you freaked out,

and walked away.

Have you ever felt, this alone? I feel so worthless now. Nothing I can ever do now is good enough for my family. Neither to my mum, dad, bro nor sister. Sometimes I just can't take it anymore. I just need God. I just need to know that.. I'm worth to someone, and definitely, I'm worthy to God.

I need to find my identity in Christ.

And, I can't wait.. till I get out of here. To a new life. Discover the real me.

Ridiculous.

I just find this ridiculous. It's not an issue that you might be still mad, but it's been almost a year. I suggest you should just stop holding a grudge, and forget about the past. We cant be friends again? Anyway I've done my part. I've apologized long time ago, and times when I try to talk to you, but all you do is ignore me. Well suit yourself. But the fact that you're unwilling to be close to me again, its because you misunderstood, and never knew the real me. I once thought you were true, someone would have accepted me the way I am, someone who would have been my best guy friend. But you drowned our friendship. And there's nothing left. Maybe you do not feel it was such a waste, but I do. Not because I feel the guilt in me, but because I treasure our friendship.. but we no longer have any.

Grr. SPM starts tomorrow. Shall not let this bug me.

I pray that God will bless me abundantly and 10As, to my hands please! In Jesus Name, Amen.

11.11.2011

Lets make a wish.

Pour out Your love,

Well, well, look where we've come to. It's now, November! Can you believe it? Time passes so frigging fast, and one year has passed. Today marks the day my previous relationship started, and today, I'm 3 days away from my 5th month in my current relationship.

In this 12 months, I've learned a lot. Things can change within just months, people come and go. I might just grew a little bit stronger, mentally and physically. But currently, I'm so tired. So tired of having to deal with SPM which is just 12 days away. I am still slacking. What is wrong with me? Dear Lord, help me, please. I need Your favor in me..

You are God,
You are so Glorious,
You are so Powerful,
You are Victorious,
You are The One, Jesus.