Monday, November 21, 2011

You are my hope,

my everything.

I used to believe that whenever you're nice to someone, immediately you'll be treated nice as well. Well, honestly that's what I still believe. But i don't know why i always get disappointed. I treat people really nice, when I really call them my friend. I do not betray them, nor hurt them in any way. But sometimes, even the people whom I trust so much, disappoints me in the end. All I ever ask for are friends who I can really count on. Maybe not many, but all I need is just one. That one friend who is able to take me the way I am, and accept the real me. I go to the house of God, only to feel out of place. I go to school, only to feel left out. Even going to the house of God, can't make me feel any better, but I always tell myself, whenever I enter the presence of the Lord, I'll rejoice the truth, and let nothing condemn me. Usually, I will feel better after being in the presence of Him. But, after a few days, I'll start thinking too much, and realize that I've no friends to rely on. Sure, Jesus is my best friend. But even going cell group at times, can't make me feel worthy enough.

I always have insecurity problems when it comes to relationship/friendship. It hurts, you know? Knowing you have NO ONE, to count on. As time passes by, I only tend to lose friends, rather than to gain some true friends. 2 friends of mine, have just walked out of my life, and I miss them. I do.

I'm so tired of being left out, feeling out of place, and mostly, being judged for the wrong reasons. I'm sorry, for things I may or may not have done.

God, please please lead me. As I continue to search.. for the true friends that You shall bless me with. Show me who is right for me, and through You, I shall see.



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