I've got control now.

Just when I thought we wouldn't end like that, I thought wrong. AHAHHA it was like the same thing happening all over again.. Like how my previous one used to be. I mean, why? Why does it seem so easy for you to let go? It hurts me so much, that everytime I close my eyes, I'll cry in my sleep. And I just feel so afraid. It hurts me so bad. But everyday I just try to live.. I try a little hard.. but i just die a little more inside.

Thanks. I don't know what to say to you anymore.

Perfect to me.

This is my first post.. of year 2011. After one month. LOL I fail.

Anyway, Form 5 has been great! Despite all the stress and tuitions I've to keep up with, I'm quite fine. Tuition from Mon-Thurs. Cheer training on Fri. Youth&Church on weekends. I'm busy/out almost everyday. Bah. I need to manage my time well so I can find time to study T_T I'm always tired and exhausted. Oh well.

December '10 was a great month! Getting to spend time with the boyfriend for 6 days in a row! Church camp and Prom. How awesome could that be! And I still have yet to blog about it. Youth camp was practically the best, cause that was a very life changing 4 days. Thanks to New Life for every single thing. All the campers, pastors and Jinny :')

I'm bored. Bai.

Thanks to You, Lord.

Lord,

Thanks to You, Lord.

Thanks to You, Lord.

We're touched by You.

When we fall,

we all close our eyes,

and we'll pray,

to our almighty God.

And we'll know,

when it's all our time,

just cause God's here,

in our very own hearts and souls.

With God,

everything is possible,

With God,

we're all touched by Him.

Lord,

thanks to You, Lord,

thanks to You,Lord,

we're all touched by Your bare hands.

Lord,

Thanks to You, Lord,

You are good, Lord,

we all worship You for who You are.

Well, just a song I wrote, and I'm posting this, just incase I forget :)

Thank You, Lord.

Merry x'mas! :)

Hello everyone, regardless of whoever you are who's reading this right now. Just wanna give a big shoutout to everybody, wish you guys a MERRY CHRISTMAS!!

Dear Santa,

I don't really know if i've been good this year, but I'm pretty sure I can't be any worse right? So I hope you'll grant me a few wishes on my christmas list :)

Love,
yokeshan.

If i die young,

bury me in satin.

Okay, so, It's Time Youth Camp 2010 and SriKL Prom Night, have ended. What now? My boy has flew to U.S.A, spending his x'mas there. And I've nothing planned. Well, though I've alot of events to go to, but, same old problem. Transport. Sigh. That's why I wish that I can drive now.

But oh well. Youth camp and Prom has been really really really good! Awesome actually :) I'm really really glad that I got to spend time with the boyfriend for like 6 days, :') It's just so nice to have him around me all the time, and getting to spend some solitary moments with him before he leaves for U.S and college. Thank God for that!

So, I'm going to blog about the Camp and Prom some other time AHAHAH, wait till I have pictures, or what not.. Um, I'm pretty sure I won't be blogging :p too lazy actually, but we shall see no?

Thanks for being so understanding,

and tolerating me for everything I've done wrong.

sorry that i've done alot of stuffs which may have upset you,

or even close to breaking your heart and hurting you.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry that I may not be the most perfect girl in this world,

but thank you for loving me for who I am.

Thanks for treating me like a princess and pampering me.

Thanks for being there for me, and with me,

whenever I need a shoulder to cry on.

Eventhough we've only met for 5 months,

and being together for only a month and half,

but it feels like I've known you for life.

During this past 6 days have been the best time,

cause I have you around with me.

I'm sorry that sometimes I sulk over things which may not be true,

and throwing my temper at you.

Only you can stand me and tolerate with all my childish attitudes.

Only you can make me smile and laugh again whenever I'm down.

I don't mind whenever you hurt me, or upset me,

cause I believe that things will work out eventually,

and I will do anything for you baby. I will.

I love you.

Boys Like Girls

Hey Martin :) That was a really sweet post. And, i'm glad and proud enough to say, that i'm a fan of BLG. Probably you'll think that girls are into all four of you, just because you guys are hot/cute or whatsoever. But, no, that's not it. Not for me. I honestly, think that you guys are, one of the best band ever. Once again, not cause of your looks, but, its how you guys make music. And i totally admire that. It's really hard to find bands/singers like you guys, ya know? I've been listening to LOVEDRUNK album for a thousand times since i've got my hands on it.The first time i hear those songs, i've sensed something. But, i couldnt figure it out. As, i put it on repeat, that's when it hit me. I took the lyrics booklet, and started to sing along as i couldn't resist. As i sang along, i understand your story then. Those eleven songs, which you've written/co-written, totally,made me understand your story and life better. The feelings and words you're trying to let the world to know, we get it. And, it just turned into an inspiration for me. You're amazing, seriously. I'm still wondering, how can someone like you(one of your songs name,heh), can ever, write such good songs. I can't find anything, bad about those eleven songs. Maybe it's cause you've written from your heart, and recorded it from your heart. That's what true songwriters are, right?

Well, I've been hoping to meet you guys, like desperately. You guys are coming down to Malaysia right, but, sadly, it has an age limit, so therefore, i guess i won't be able to enter and meet you guys. When i found out about that, i cried. I was so upset about it, but there was nothing i can do. But after reading your post, thats when i got it. It's not about getting to meet you guys actually. All that matters, is being able to hear you guys, making music. I don't mind, if i won't be able to meet you guys, but, please, please, i beg you, don't ever stop making music, alright? :) You can never meet all your fans out there, one by one, but there's a way that you can meet them is by writing songs and meeting their heart instead.I don't know bout others, but it definitely, met my heart. By the way, thanks for writing those songs which have inspired me alot. Like, OnTopOfTheWorld. I know that you've written it for your mum as she's no longer here anymore.I'm sorry to hear bout that. It's a really good song. I lost my grandpa 2 years ago, and, whenever i start thinking about him, that's when i'll listen to OnTopOfTheWorld. It's because, i feel the same too, and that's the only song, which.. understands how i feel, honestly. Next is, Go. Lately, i've been having troubles with everything. Nothing ever seems right. But, when i listen to GO, i'll feel better eventually. And, it just makes me a better person, and in someway, that song motivated me. " Get up and go, take a chance and be strong" You got that right, Martin. After listening to it, i'll tell myself, " Yes, get up and go, take a chance and be strong. I can do it right?". Furthermore, that's what you're trying to tell me right? Heh. So, i will also tell myself, " for Martin, i will do it." You're quite an inspiration to me, no doubt :) Wow, i've written this long.. Hm, i'm not sure if you'll ever read this, but.. lets hope you are reading. But even if you're not, it's the thoughts which count right?

Hm, i guess this is long enough. Haha. Though there's so much more to tell you, but i guess i'll write it out, all in my blog :) So yeah, thanks alot MartinJohnson; PaulDigiovanni;BryanDonahue;& JohnKeefe. You guys, are the best, and i mean it. Oh, i still hope that i'll get to meet you guys someday :D

BTW BTW!
Make a promise. To Me, and all every other fans,
NEVER EVER EVER STOP MAKING MUSIC/WRITE SONGS!
even if you want to, give us a good reason,
or else, we as your NO#1 fans, won't allow you guys to :)

Heh, have fun touring you guys! I know you guys are hitting Asia soon, like few days more? So, enjoy ASIA! You'll love it! Oh, enjoy Malaysia too :D Please do come back to Malaysia, next year okay? You have lotsa lotsa fans(mostly all teenagers) down here!So, please do not.. have an age limit concert -.- And, of course, me, who've never met you guys before, but still dying to, would love to see you guys, and watch you guys perform( though i was at MTV WORLSTAGE Malaysia, but that wasn't enough). Of course not! :D So, probably, come back, and have your own LOVEDRUNK/BoysLikeGirls concert! A concert, where, us, your fans, get to hear all your songs, live :)

Take care, Martin! And send my regards to Paul;Bryan; John. As long, as all four of you are happy, i'll be happy too!

i love all four of you! BoysLikeGirls, rock :D :D
f.y.i; I'm happy to join your family :)

Wow, that was what I wrote for BLG last yr, left a comment @ martinsays.com, and I just thought of checking it out and trying to read what I wrote HAHAHA. interesting piece of mine.

Broken heart.

What exactly is a broken heart? A broken heart is
forcing yourself to hang up the phone after you
have dialed the first three digits to his phone
number. A broken heart is the cold, chattering
feeling you receive when you hear his name. A
broken heart is when you're crying yourself to
sleep every night and yet crying more and more
each morning. A broken heart is glancing at the
pictures of the two of you, and then quickly
turning your attention to something else to avoid
your tears. A broken heart is screaming and
begging for a second chance inside, but not being
able to say it out loud. A broken heart is the
emptiness and heart wrenching feeling you
encounter when you see him with other girls.
A broken heart is knowing that no matter what you
do or say to yourself, you cant fool your heart
into believing that you will in fact be "okay." A
broken heart is listening to that one song that
makes you break down, on repeat. A broken heart
is when you go from smiling uncontrollably every
time you saw him to quiet tears every time
someone mentions his name. A broken heart is when
you try to avoid him but end up going out of your
way just to get a glimpse of him. A broken heart
is when you know you've been hurt, but have no
idea how to fix it. A broken heart is when you
finally realize that he's everything you need...
and at the same time realize he's the one thing
you can never have.

credit: @teensinlove (twitter)