Thursday, October 22, 2009

Please don't go now,

please don't fade away.

It's 1.10 a.m, and i'm feeling so shitty right now. I feel so fucking used. I feel like i can't make up my mind, and i can't find my way out here. I feel so lost, as i've said. I need someone to tell me what to do, but they don't know what i really want. It hurts when you want something, but you can't have it. It hurts to know, that things aren't going to work out the way you want it. It hurts to know, that you can't get back up, when you've fallen so deep. Brandon's right. Nobody can change somebody, the only way is to change yourself. I've always had a problem with guys and relationships. I admit. I'm someone who can fall for a guy easily. Even the simplest thing they do, i can even fall for them. Sweet talks or not, i'll fall for them. Good looking or not, i don't give a shit. This is why, i can't handle relationships. I'm those type of people, who take things quickly and seriously at the same time. It always happens, the same way. When i fall for the guy deep enough, that's when he'll turn his head back, and fucking leave me there. It's not my fault that i'm taking things fast okay? I can't help it. You think i get to choose? I know i can control it, but sometimes it's hard to resist. This is happening for the frigging 3rd time. And i really don't know what to do. Sometimes, i just feel like keeping NO CONTACTS with everything which is happening in this world. I just don't want to know about anything. It's my feelings which bothers me. I just have to say that it hurts. All this time of trying to tell myself, not to fall deep again, that's when it happens.



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